It was the breeze of air that became the feast of our grins. It was when we decided to go for a midnight drive just because we couldn’t hang out often. It was when we told each other about everything and we listened and remembered it vividly. It was when this earth became the witness to our cries. No one knows about us except for us.
I turned around, staring at the vacant spot next to me where we used to sit while waiting for the bus to take us to school when we were kids. My palm touched the trunk; I'm sure it was supposed to be there. Our names were engraved here.
"I need to go back!" She squealed and threw the rock aside as she ran away from me.
"Why?" I asked her, worryingly.
My question was left unanswered as she shouted goodbye.
The next day, I arrived at school and waited for her at the tree, in front of her class, and even in the cafeteria but her silhouette was never to be seen ever since. Until one day and it was a year after, first day of school, I saw her father leaving the principal's office. My hands were outstretched to reach her father, but as soon as the bell rang, he disappeared from my sight.
I waited in front of her house every day. No one was ever coming out of the house but I waited patiently.
“Young girl,” an old lady approached me, “The family moved out a while ago.”
“Really?” Lies. I knew they were not there. But I was still hoping. I smiled at the old lady and started walking back to my house which was 7 blocks away. That was my routine for approximately two years.
That was the first time she left me without saying anything and it turned out that her mom passed away. Since her parents were divorced a long time ago, they needed to move to her mom’s place as her big sister was pursuing college there and her father was needed to support her. Though, I didn’t know about all of this from her. I knew about it from her father. I always tried to ask her about it, ask her about her situation, but she always seemed like she refused to delineate her feelings, and didn’t want to talk about it. I was okay with it back then since we were just kids and I understood the situation. I thought that’s just how we dealt with them, things we called dissociation, a kind of coping mechanism, they say.
But as time goes by and I am here alone—
“I got both of us ice cream”
Or not.
I took the ice cream from her hand. She still remembered my favourite flavour. We laughed, we made silly jokes, and we kept each other updated about our current life. Didn’t it always be like this? But something was missing.
We don’t depend on each other anymore.
‘It was the breeze of air that became the feast of my grins. It was when we decided to go for a midnight drive just because we couldn’t hang out often. It was when I told you about everything and you listened and remembered it vividly. It was when this earth became the witness of my cries. No one knows about me except for you.’
I just realised that it was all about me and never about you cause it seems like you never found comfort in me the way I found it in you. There was a hope, a big hope that you would at least throw the burden you’ve been carrying by sharing them with me. But I guess, it’s always been a wishful hope and thinking that I could keep forever and I will never be the best person you can depend on like how you are to me when you are always my comfort person.
It’s like I’m being friends with your silhouette, who would just be there, listening but never responding unless the main body does so.
Editor: Imranpd
Illustrator: Ayisha
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