By Seelenlos
Editor : Aina Natasha
Once, I was just a child. A mere seedling in this vast universe. My fragile body was taken care of by a loving family. The needs of my unending childish desires were always fulfilled. My cries were always heard, my requests were always entertained. One might call me a spoiled child, and I won’t deny it. For a little child, I had the audacity to not care about my surroundings. People are nothing but mere servants to answer my selfish calls. I dared them in battles of patience, which when my wants were delayed, my wrathful vengeance was for them to bear. Life was good honestly, and I enjoyed it, but little did I know that my feet were still touching the filthy ground, stuck. How unintelligent of my past self.
How beautiful. My limbs grew longer, and my height is reaching new levels. For others, it's just the next phase of life. I believe they call it aging? Not that I care since I call it evolution. I won't consider it too far-fetched, as I was becoming a better version of myself. I’ve developed new habits, gained new hobbies, had multiple interests, fitting the term evolution. However, I just can feel that something was incomplete. Something was missing. For so long my eyes have been bowing down to the ground. How unbecoming of a civilized being. For once I lifted my head up, while standing with all might, only to witness a spectacular feat of divinity. The very scene that was entering my eyes was sculpted directly into my brain. I traverse my sight along the span of the horizon. The shiny dots are everywhere. I stood still for a moment, thinking and pondering. Stars? After a short while I discovered a strangely bright star. I displayed a hopeful smile.
The thought of reaching the stars still lingers around me. The bright colors of the youthful realm are bright, but blinding. My desire to escape uncertainty doesn't seem to show its end. I’m free to roam this physical world, only to be blanketed by the shadows of my own weaknesses. As if fate itself contains me from the real “freedom”. Run as far as I want, jump as high as I can, I can’t bear to look down. Looking at my own feet, constrained by an invincible shackle. I tried to clear my mind, not bothering the thought anymore. My life carried on as usual, all colorful and vivid. However, the vibrance can only last for so long. Just like how light conquers the darkness, the uneasy feeling came back haunting me, rapidly and swiftly, tainting the colorful canvas of my very own life. I was exhausted, seeking a place to rest. I pulled out a chair and took my seat. I gazed at the view above, appreciating every single detail the sky has to offer. My eyes stopped at a singular star. The star. Almost like there’s an attraction force coming from the star itself. I regained my calmness.
Now a powerless elder, my body grew weak, shrinking in size. I became fatigued very easily. Every action that I make is a struggle. Although only this lifeless vessel experiences the hardships, my soul is screaming in pain, pleading to be freed. I believe this is the very boundary of mere mortals. One can think of the unimaginable, plan for the uncertain, prepare for the unknown, only to be trampled upon by their own limits. How weak and fragile of a shell this is. Isn't it supposed to protect? Why is it inflicting pain instead? The soul is simply laughing as the body withers, awaiting its inevitable demise. Such a lowly state I am currently in. Maybe it is that time already? I looked at my hands, nothing more than wrinkles. I slowly make my way across the soothing night, accompanied by the blissful wind. A field of flowers becomes my destination. The fragrant smell, the vibrant colors, all are humming me a beautiful melody. I lie down beside a particular bunch of flowers. Chrysanthemums? How lovely. I take a deep breath, exhaling freely afterwards. My eyes are capturing the miraculous view up above. Only if mortals can live as long as the stars, won’t that be wonderful?
I take one last breath, while witnessing a sudden display of bright colors in the sky. The night sky lit up, showcasing a deadly dance of colorful gasses and space matters, alongside the vicious waltz of destruction of the nearby planets and celestial bodies. The flowers start to wither. I gazed at the sky for the last time. Is this the price to pay for freedom?
Illustrator : Puteri
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