The night felt hotter today, but the warmth and the smell of the blanket makes me choose to sleep with blankets wrapped around my body. “It’s almost one, maybe I can stay awake for another hour,” I comfort myself not to worry about my sleep schedule while checking through my phone. Well, the last thing you want to worry about in your early 20s is how much sleep you need to take every day, to be fair. It’s not just me, I’m pretty sure it’s a pride to stay awake very late for those who are around my age. At least according to my experience, I guess. I was looking through a job advertisement when the reminiscence of my past came flooding my mind. “Not now”, I sighed, thinking about my past conversations.
“Getting to school is hard, you should be lucky your school is very close,” nagged my mom while scooping the rice into my father’s plate. “What do you mean? Just take a bus,” I laughed. I mean who could blame an eight-years-old for such a dumb response. “I used to live in a remote area, I need to take a boat and walk for almost 1 hour to go to school,” my mom replied, irritated. “My math teacher is also very garang, always sekeh my head whenever I got a wrong answer. Also, there’s one time I drowned because my boat flipped.” “Oh okay, sorry I didn’t know about your struggle,” I apologised, guilty for asking such dumb question.
I cannot remember the rest, and while my brain tries to fill the void, another piece of memory comes back, as if it was telling me to stay awake. My grandma. I cannot remember much, but I knew that she was longing to go to school. She has a lot of siblings, and education for all of them is impossible. Since a female going to school is a thing that is frowned upon, she has to take care of her younger brothers and sisters and forget about learning to read or count. She reluctantly agrees, but deep down inside, it is nothing but bitterness and sadness.
I was deep in my thoughts when suddenly a vibration on my phone pulled me back to my petty consciousness. It’s from Nasuha, my go-to friend when I need some insight.
‘I’m dying inside, the assignments and work are killing me. Makes me think if we actually enjoy our ‘youth’. I just want to breathe a bit, but this is too much. Our 20s should be our most enjoyable time, not sitting at home and stressing about work every day.’
Her rant makes me wonder if there’s anyone happy with their youth. I would like to meet them someday.
Edited by: Nur Fatimah Zahrah binti Rahimin Affandi
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