OF FIERY MOTH

I yearn for an answer, 

an answer for this puzzling emotion. 

Emotion that left me pondering beyond wonder,

where suffering could bring blissful sensation. 

I found myself in denial lately, 

denying myself from what is right. 

Limiting myself to diets that’s barely, 

leaving myself to live in blight. 

At times, it grows even worse, 

only allowing for life necessity. 

There are times where I left myself in thirst,

and there are times I distanced from society. 

Putting myself stranded in loneliness, 

staring at the walls that move like never. 

There are times when the stillness drove me into madness,

but I was made to believe that it was for the better. 

The receiver of the goods was never me, 

it was always for the people that I knew. 

As if I was made to believe that I was guilty,

apologizing for the sins that I never knew. 

It did not happen out of the blue, 

nor did I sense its presence within me. 

Perhaps what I fear was actually true, 

that there lives a deep hatred within me. 

A hatred that was left unmended, 

that broke free and became a flood. 

As I keep repressing and play pretend, 

they grew spiteful and yearned for blood.

Fixing my eyes towards places that are intrusive,

a pool of harmful thoughts came daring. 

As I dive further, I grew paranoid and sensitive,

so I ran away in fear of eyes staring. 

Yet I could not escape their visions, 

every sight will spark malice. 

Like a hound driven by stimulation, 

they drive me to the verge of madness. 

My mind in shambles as I grew in fear, 

so from there I ran away yet again. 

Yet I would find myself staring with dear,

leaving me with a sensation I could not explain. 

Perhaps this is how it felt to be a moth, 

yearning for light, drawing closer to the fire. 

Burning away to dust, as written for the moth, 

in reflection, I found myself playing with fire. 

Walking between life and death, 

too afraid of the ending, 

Yet still striding close to death. 

Perhaps it is in nature to draw closer to death for the wanting? 

There was a saying, “Like a moth to a flame”, 

knowing that the fate will be written, 

the moth will still fly towards the flame,

as the light they yearn for is within their reach.

Edited by: Dahlya