Scattered

Trigger Warning // Derealization

“Eridanus! The System is down.” Aquila grabs me by my shoulders, shaking me as he yells out those words.

Confused, I asked him what he meant. But before he could even answer, I saw it for myself. The roof above us suddenly disappears, revealing the evening sky above us where grid lines and binary numbers start to glow in a cool shade of jade. I look at Aquila then the rest of the people in the room.

“I haven’t seen those since The Beginning,” I say. “I wonder what happened in HQ?”

“A virus.” Someone answers and Aquila and I turn to look at the person. It turns out to be Serpens. If there’s anyone who knows the inside stories from the Headquarters, it would be him. “Pyxis told me last night that someone had infiltrated The System with a virus. We don’t know who and HQ hasn’t figured out how to fix it. By the look of things, it has gotten worse.” Serpens looks up to the sky and Aquila and I follow his move. The grid lines are glowing yet inconsistently, and binary numbers flash in random combinations in a pathetic attempt to rewrite themselves. If I squint hard enough, I can still ignore them and stare at the usual evening sky.

There are 20 people in this room in total, 20 more in the room next door and countless more in the whole building. I know everyone is asking themselves the same thing, but the silence tells me that no one is about to say it out loud. So, I whispered it between the three of us. “If The System is down, that means Time and Space are currently unstable, right? The Simulation is broken.”

Serpens can’t hide his smirk and that’s all the confirmation I need. Aquila playfully nudges me in the rib. “And what are you gonna do about it?” He asks.

“Scatter,” I say. As if on cue, the building crumbles, its code overwritten and all of us are suddenly on the ground. Grid lines and binary numbers start to appear but it seems that for the most part, just like the sky, I can ignore them and see the ground like normal. This is how I imagine the world would be if no buildings were ever coded into The System.

Speaking of it, it has always been impossible to break The System, no matter what we do. And believe me when I say we tried. A few years ago (when Time was linear), we had collectively organized a plan to break it by rewriting our own binary numbers. We thought if we malfunctioned enough, we could bring The System down with us. But that plan backfired, thus, the building was coded to separate us so we couldn’t conspire. So whoever planted that virus, I don’t know how you do it, but you’re a freaking genius.

Serpens, Aquila and I share one last look and shake hands. “I’ll see you on the other side,” we say to each other.

The first thing I do is take off my shoes. Then I start sprinting barefoot, stomping on the surface of the earth, taking in the sensation of having grass blades between my toes, and coarse sand sticking to my soles. The binary numbers go crazy under my feet, overwriting themselves again and again. With every step I take, I’m sending The System into further chaos. And that is not even the best part.

Right now, Time is no longer linear, and Space is no longer tangible. They don’t fit in axes anymore. Directions keep changing all of sudden even though I have only been running in a straight line. I can’t tell north from south, nor east from west. But I don’t mind it at all.

Now here comes the best part; the sky. Time shifts wildly and I see this in the sky that is glitching. One moment it’s still the evening, then the next, the sun is rising. One moment the sky is painted with a splash of red, orange and purple, then the next, it’s all bright yellow as it pushes the night sky away. But as soon as it goes, it comes back again. The night sky is in its glory of pitch blackness and sparkling stars. For once, I stop running and stare at the sky. Oh, how I missed it!

I look at the stars and I see myself in them, for I am as scattered as the stars above me. But more importantly, I see Eridanus, the constellation that is my name, the path of souls that I am taking. I know it’s ironic considering that I am a mere combination of binary numbers, a simple program coded into The System. But, seeing Eridanus up there is a cathartic experience that for the first time in my existence, I felt real.

Granted, the moment doesn’t last for long as the scenery keeps shifting and the direction in which I’m facing keeps changing. But that doesn’t take away the smile on my face, as in those glances I saw Aquila in the night sky. Then I saw Serpens. Then Pyxis. And I keep seeing all the constellations bearing the same name as my friends, all in between the scenes of magnificent sunsets, bright blue skies, and gentle sunrises. I hope in that moment when they each see themselves in the stars, they all feel alive too.

The Headquarters will get rid of the virus sooner or later, and The System will be back up and running. But whatever happens, they cannot take this moment away from us.