Void

Trigger Warning // Anxiety

Something’s wrong, my heart is beating way too fast.

No, no, no, no, not again!

He could feel the dread creeping up his body, pricking every inch of his skin as he slowly hugged his knees under the blanket. He closed his eyes a little bit tighter, hoping that it is just another dream, that he would wake up without having to experience these horrible emotions.

I need to get up.

“How useless can you be? Just sitting around without doing anything after everything I’ve done for you?”

His nails dig a little bit deeper into his skin.

This is nothing.

“You’re sad? Well, when I was sad, I can still do my work, I can still live my life, and I can at least be a functioning human being. What you’re feeling right now is nothing!

He held back a sob.

Don’t cry, please don’t cry.

“Stop! Stop making those sounds. I don’t want to hear it coming from you!” He hid his face further into his knees.

Please stop.

“Now get up and stop pretending!”

🙞🙜

He finally gasped, allowing himself to breathe as he blinked his eyes open and stared at the fan spinning on the ceiling. He clenched the bedsheets around his fist, tugging at it while taking a deep breath. After what felt like an eternity, he decided that he was ready.

It's time. I can do this. I need to do this.

He got up from his bed, went to the bathroom and stared at his reflection while holding his toothbrush.

Baby steps.

Having done his usual routine, he walked to the refrigerator in the kitchen and got some breakfast in him.

Baby steps.

He grabbed his bag he had prepared the night before and paused when he saw yet another reflection of him from a mirror in the living room. He stared at the outfit he successfully put on today, the bag full of things he would need later, the smile that probably came out more like a grimace and the eyebags which looked much better than yesterday.

Small victories.

His heart beat a little bit faster while he made his way to the front door and when he arrived there, he closed his eyes. He took a deep breath and reached the knob with his trembling hand.

Next.